READ THIS!

I'm not going to write much today.I just wanted to give you a link of something to read today.Seriously. Read. IT.It is beautifully written,and it's amazing. My best Friend Michael, was Gay, and he was literally one of the most incredible people, I had the privelege of knowing.For those of you that follow me, you know he was murdered, for absolutely no reason.You can read about that here.I wish more than anything he could have read this. 

getting healthy

My Hubby will be home in 8 days!Yes, I am beond excited,He has only been at school, so it hasn't been long, but it has felt like a million years. I'm so ready for him to be here.I have to get a 3 phase liver test, a sonogram of my thyroid,and a TON of bloodwork. A lump was found in my breast, my doc seems to think it is a lingering infection.We are treating it with antibiotics and if it doesn't go away then she said we will be taking the next steps. So please say prayers for me about that,also for my other tests coming up in the next couple of weeks.I'm just so ready to be feeling better.  

Just some of the things I am LOVING right now: 1. My 5 years old's obsession with numbering the fence posts with chalk 2. Sweet baby T inching his way across the living room floor. 3. Going to get "cokes" with my sweet girl 4. My amazing husband texting me sweet prayers at night and in the morningHe has been texting me exactly what I need to hear at that moment. 5. The amazing breeze coming through my kitchen window 6. Pumpkin spice candles 7. My sweet kiddos praying at dinner time, I may not know exactly what they are saying, but they do :) 8. Coordinating scarves.. this may just be an addiction by the time winter is over! 9.Having a clean house ( I have been working sooo hard at keeping it picked up) 10. Vacuuming, clean floors = a very happy mommy  

Intentional

With my husband away at MPI school, and me here alone with all 3 kiddosit has been tough. It has only been 3 weeks (out of an 8 week school)and I already can't wait for it to be over!I think my problem is that I need to be intentional with EVERYTHING. Intentional with my disciplining. This is especially important with my 5 year old.He is really testing me, my patience is low and on those days he feels like pushing it, hitting, kicking, anger in his words and actions, I totally feel at a loss. Intentional with the plans for the day.Some days little A and I don't play very much, and at the end of the dayI feel like we could have done so much more then waste time until bedtime. Intentional in everything.  It's hard. I am lonely and missing my husband. The kids are sad and missing their Daddy.And life has to go on. We have to continue and not just "be" we need to thrive.    

It's kinda funny when you think about how life just completely never turns out how you think or "want".I say "want" like this because, I don't think anyone really really knows what they want.In my mind I always thought in order to be happy, I would go to college, teach high school history, eventually get married, and maybe have children. What a thing the Lord has taught me about Happiness.I never finished college, I never became a teacher in high school....Instead I got pregnant when I was just 18 years old, had my first child at 19, got married when I was 21. Had a second child at 22,and then a third at 24. I can tell you, this life isn't perfect.It is  Beautiful though. I am a teacher.I teach 3 amazing babies everyday.I teach them about Jesus, about love, about playing and getting dirty.And I am Taught.They teach me grace, patience, and how to play and get dirty WITH them.I married my very best friend.He is incredible, even if we sometimes get on one anothers nerves. These past months have been hard, really hard.But when I take the time to really think about all the wonderful things going on, it isn't sadness I feel....it's gratefulness, happiness. happy that the Lord is so full of Grace that he continues to teach, and mold me.Even when i least deserve it.   

So, since it has been soooo long since I have updated on anything.

I thought pictures would be the best way to catch ya'll up.

They do say "a picture is worth a thousand words" right :)

Here is the Hubby and I at the ball just a few weeks ago :) He still melts me, so handsome!
Brother and sisterly love :) Big A is 5 now and in kindergarten and
Little A is 2! Whaaa, I don't know how my children are getting older cause I'm definitely not.
I mean, I look like I am maybe, hmmm 21 in the pic above? LOL




Meet Tevin Sloan! Yes, he is 7 1/2 months old now.
Yes, he is teething (hence the tongue) :0
And he is incredible!

Life

It has been seriously months since I have updated!
Things have been a roller coaster since the day I found I out was pregnant with baby number 3. He is here by the way, he is healthy, and incredible and I promise to tell all about him later.

The day I found out I was pregnant was a shock. We quite literally trying NOT to get pregnant, but God had different plans for this family.
I had horrible morning sickness and sank into somewhat of a depression.
I was shocked to be pregnant, still taking care of 2 very little ones and my husband had just returned from his deployment to Afghanistan.
It was a very hard transition. I was so excited to have a sweet baby but was also sad that it was not happening quite how I had expected.
Anyways fast forward to February 2011 and here comes sweet baby: TEVIN SLOAN
We were so surprised he was a boy and thrilled to be a new family of 5!
My birth went okay, not at all how I had planned (which I still think about constantly) and I will post more about that later.
And here I was, a new mommy, had a brand new 2 year old and a 4 year old.
I was exhausted, overwhelmed and scared about how to even approach this new life.

So that's about it, whew... just reading it makes me overwhelmed.
I have since suffered from terrible postpartum depression.
So that's whats been going on.
It has been hard to say the least.

I haven't been the mommy I wanted to be.
I haven't been the kind of wife I have aspired to be.
I have been overwhelmed, and cranky, sad, emotional.
I am not even close to the person I really am,
when I look in the mirror I wonder who this woman is staring back at me.

So, that's why I have not posted.
I am trying now, I feel like I am crawling my way out of my funk.
God is good and with Him and I am getting better.

Craziness.Pure craziness is how to explain how it's been at my house lately,31 weeks pregnant and I've been put on "I don't have to stay in bed all day, but the most running around I should do is to get a loaf of bread" rest.I've been having a ton of pressure and they did a test that says I could go into early labor, since my first was preemie, it's a little overwhelming.so how's that..a mom of 2 with a 3rd on the way and I can't do anything.My kids may lose their little minds because they really REALLY need to get out, burn off some steam.I'm tired.and I'm feeling a little bummed, not like myself lately.I really really wish we would get a pcs.Am I horrible to wish that?