When the church dissapoints you

Monday, June 29, 2015

Here it is, I'm just going to say it because this is my blog and I do what I want.
Sometimes, the church really screws up. I mean it. Over the top screws up.
I have felt like it happens more than it should for a very long time but I just can't hold it in anymore.

When I was 18 I got pregnant with the very best thing that ever happened to me. Alijah Evan was such a sweet miracle from God to minister to my heart. I knew God existed but not in any way, shape or form did I live my life in a reflection of my love for him. I attended church with my family but I always felt so out of place and judged, but it wasn't until I got pregnant did that really affect me. My huge scarlet letter was placed on me and lets face it, it would never be removed. Except mine wasn't a letter A it was the letter S for SINNER.

Yep, I had sex before I was married. I also did a lot of other things I shouldn't have done, but that's all in the past and here is where the church screwed up. They didn't love on me. They didn't approve of my sins and they let me know it.

I signed my baby up to have him dedicated at church. I was so excited to have him dedicated, I loved Jesus and I wanted my baby to be raised in that love. I can remember when I received the call from my pastor. The overall conversation was basically that he would not and could not approve of me dedicating my baby because I was a sinner. Those were his exact words. "I can not dedicate your baby because it would look like I approved of your sin".

Oh you mean that perfect, gift from God who happened to be born to a sinner couldn't be dedicated to the Lord. The forgiver of sins, the giver of grace. The one who writes our story?

Y'all my heart aches writing this. Being young, I didn't fight the decision. Instead I turned away from God. I stopped attending church. I stopped feeding my soul, and for a long time I stopped loving Jesus. It affected me so deeply I still have hurt feelings over the entire situation.

The entire point of this rambling post is to tell you- Jesus came for the sinners. HE came to open the gates of Heaven for all people. He wants us to represent him and I will tell you that in every case Jesus chose LOVE.
We can absolutely be against sinning, but what we can't do is choose to exploit the sin while not loving on that person.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these. Mark 12: 30-31

Also, when the church screws up- try to remember- most of us are genuinely trying to love how Jesus does, but we get it wrong... a lot.. That's why we need Jesus.

Dreams of motherhood

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

When I was in high school, I honestly didn't think I would EVER want children. That obviously changed when I got pregnant at 18 and proceeded to get pregnant and end up with four amazing kiddos.
What I did discover I wanted was for my house to be the "hangout" for the kids. Sometimes its exhausting having all the kids at my house. And it also gets really expensive. I try to have inexpensive, easy snacks at my house at all times. I also try to not get annoyed at all the kids running around and having to vacuum 100 times a day.
I know this is just the beginning. I only have two school age kids that have friends knocking on the door, but I pray that this will always be how my house.
My house will welcome all the kids, always.
I will feed their bellies.
Listen to their stories.
Pray over them.
I want my house to be the hangout house.
 I love to hear what they chat about, what they are missing at home. Also, I will know exactly what's going on in my kids lives. I love that idea, I hope they will always want to hang out here. And I pray that no matter where we live, other kids and friends will feel welcomed and so loved.

Our pool filled with kiddos! The noise is so sweet, giggles and laughter. I'm so glad we finally got the pool set up. Our summer has been crazy busy but getting the pool up was the best thing we could do to let the kiddos burn off their crazy energy!
Here's to a summer FILLED with crazy neighborhood children.

June is halfway over

Friday, June 19, 2015

When June is halfway over:

1. I start to panic because I still haven't signed my kids up for swim lessons.
2. Feel a little sad that I have only finished one book. I totally recommend it though! So good.
3. Make a list of things you hope to accomplish in July.
4. Pray that I will get half of above list finished.
5. Buy ice cream, because its important to sometimes have a pity party.
6. Remember that some fun has been had over summer break while eating the ice cream.
7. Enjoy the quiet because Daddy has the big kids camping!

 Here are some of the fun things we have done in June-

Crazy weekend

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

I thought things would start settling down around the O house since summer had officially kicked off. But like I've said it's been crazy and it just hasn't let down yet.
 My weekend started with a wedding to go to. I was so excited because y'all, at a women's retreat in January of 2013 we had been praying over this girl and a future husband/ marriage. I love to see when God delivers. It was such a sweet little country wedding and my hubby and I had a blast.

My weekend was off to a great start. A sweet wedding, and some time alone with my oldest. He had been begging for me to take him to Toys-R-Us to spend his birthday gift card. So just he and I decided to sneak off for a bit.  While I was gone my sweet baby Benjamin fell on the trampoline and broke his arm. We didn't even know how seriously he had injured it until Monday.
The nights had been just awful. He was so restless and wasn't sleeping at all. I could tell he wasn't feeling well so I had him on some ibuprofen. But finally by Monday morning I knew something just wasn't right. I called my pediatrician and they suspected his tendon in hos wrist had slipped. SO my hubby met me at the doctor, and they tried to slip it back on. After that didn't work the doctor sent us for x-rays. I knew right away he had a fracture. Just a mama gut instinct I guess.
They called an hour later with the results, and this morning I was in with the orthopedist, and then getting his cast.
I feel so terrible. I had no idea it was broken at first. It never swelled or bruised. He has what is called a buckle fracture. Where his cartilage isn't quite bone yet and has a bend in it. He will only be in the cast for 3 & 1/2 weeks and it won't affect any growth plates. I'm so thankful it is as minor as could be.

He is super happy eating a cookie here. The pain seems to have surpassed quite a bit. I hope tonight is a good night's sleep for both of us! I'm also praying it heals quickly!

Operation Fit the Dress

Thursday, June 11, 2015

See this dress:

It was the dress I wore 7 years ago at my wedding rehearsal. Why have I kept it? To be honest, I'm not really sure. I like it, I used to love how it fit. It hasn't fit in a VERY long time but in my defense that was three children ago. My body is not even close to what it used to be. I have larger hips and soft spots, and honestly that's just getting old.
My "baby" is 20 months old now and it's time to get back into shape. I really don't have a specific weight I would like to be, I just have decided that's silly. I'm not going to kill myself for a number. I am just going to base it off of how I feel and also how my clothes fit.
The dress is going to be my guide. I'm not sure if I will ever wear it again, but I will fit into it!

Hence, Operation Fit The Dress.

Here is where the honesty comes in- I hate working out. Yes- I feel good afterwards but during life sucks. lol
I like to eat things that are crappy for me. Dr. Pepper is my best friend. Also, chocolate milk is my love language. I apparently like to drink my calories.

So my plan as of right now:
1. Cut back on drinking my calories. No more Dr. Peppers. I will have chocolate milk but in moderation. Also, adding in extra veggies.
2. Light exercise to start with. I used to do 30 day shred, but I am going to start of with walking. At least one mile a day until I build up to being able to exercise without 911 needing to be called.
3.I will try the dress on once a week. Preferably in the morning, just because that's probably when I'm at my thinnest.
4.I will NOT weigh myself. I feel like this will just set me up for failure. It's just a number nobody knows after all.

I am going to try to post updates with the fit of the dress, but I'm not going to share measurements or any other very personal info.

I will tell you the dress is a size 6. I have been a variety of sizes over the years and to be honest my favorite has been an 8/10. I felt good and I looked good. I also still had all of my curves. This is just based on my body type.

Wish me luck!

College Graduate!

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

It has been an insane few weeks around my house since summer "break" started. Now that I am all done with my husbands graduation party, things seem to be slowing down. I just want to read a good book and drink ten million Dr. Pepper's. Don't judge, those things are like crack.
I am SO proud of Tim. He worked so hard to get his BA and he did it all while having a full time job, full time family, and doing the reserves, and in a little less than 3 years. I think he is so awesome. So he graduated Saturday and we had a huge open house party for him.
I wanted him to feel so loved and celebrated! Of course a crazy wind storm blew in and everyone who was outside had to come in and my nerves were totally on edge. It's always so crazy when I have to make everyone squeeze in.
I cooked Mexican food and by the end of the night my whiskey sours put me totally out of party planning mode and into relaxed mode. That's kinda my favorite mode these past couple weeks, but it has been non-existent. lol. And no I will not tell you how many I had, that's a secret.
I'm hoping this summer can now actually be a break. I just want to soak up some sweet memories with my babies.

check out Aubree posing :)

more posing

Alijah's face! lol

Tim's cousin and childhood best friend

WHY is this angle so terrible!

naked baby!

4 out of 5 sisters

Pretty sure he was sneaking pieces of a cupcake
photo cred goes to Alijah-

I pretty much failed at taking any pictures of the party decorations, and I'm pretty bummed about that. Overall I feel like the party was a success. 


Tuesday, June 2, 2015

The world was introduced to Caitlyn Jenner yesterday. She hit a world record gathering the most followers in four hours on Twitter. She was praised for her strength and beauty. People either thought she was absolutely wonder or downright disgusting. 

I'm not going to tell you my opinion on right and wrong. He vs. She. 
But here is what I'm begging.
The Christian community has a HUGE opportunity.
To show Caitlyn love like Jesus would.
Christians like to get hung up on what's in the Bible that we often literally forget what Jesus came to do.
We get, what I call them, our "sinner stones" ready and start hurling away.
Ready to hit anything or anyone who dare disagree from what the Bible may say.

How about this.
Let's continue to fuel this scandal, but let's fuel it in a different way.

We should make this a Scandal of Grace.
Let's shock the community with the love of Jesus, let's accept, invite and cherish those "outsiders" 
we like to pretend don't exist.
We can actually show her what unconditional love is like.

Christians, we have one chance to get this right.
Love only.
Love will always win.

After all, no one came to meet Jesus by getting the Bible thrown at them.

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