I'm feeling very nostalgic with my husband and I's 7th anniversary coming up this next week. I want to remember every single detail of how we got here. The good. The bad. The ugly. Why? Because it has totally shaped me and and my entire family, ALL for a purpose.
Once upon a time, I was a stupid, 18 year old girl. I was caught up in smoking pot, drinking until I would pass out, partying like crazy and all in all being pretty dang selfish. I really didn't care about anyone other than myself to be honest. I was sorta dating, but mostly I was just busy looking out for myself. Tim (my husband now) hated me doing these things. I hated myself. I was in such a terrible place. Literally throwing my life down the drain.
That's when God completely interrupted my life. I wasn't happy about it at all, but here I was.
A pregnant teen. Knowing not one single thing about life yet. Tim was thrilled from day one. I cried and went into a pretty dark depression. I stopped partying immediately. And I pretty much went to class and slept all the time. I was still so.very.selfish. Looking back, it makes me so sad to see how I treated myself and those around me. I was ignoring and ruining friendships. I was hiding this pregnancy from everyone except Tim, I wasn't even seeing a doctor until 6 months pregnant when it couldn't be hidden any longer. I was totally in denial. We were both babies about to have a baby!
That's until, 8 1/2 weeks early, an amazingly precious gift was delivered into my life. Alijah Evan, 5 lbs 2.5 oz, was born into the world. He made a statement. He was premature, on a breathing tube and feeding tube. And I didn't even get to hold him for two days. I was told, he would be developmentally delayed, and also might have some other serious health conditions to go along with that. But let me just say, God redeemed that situation and Alijah is a healthy, amazing. 9 year old boy.
|Off of the breathing tube and just on oxygen|
That night, as I was trying to rest, after an epidural gone wrong. Tim sat with me. I can seriously remember the way he looked at me. I could see sincere love in his eyes. We were both so happy. That moment was when he proposed to me. I looked and him and told him my answer. No.
I explained that I didn't want us rushing into marriage just because we had a baby. We had been backwards with several things in our relationship and honestly I just couldn't let myself make a mistake that couldn't easily be undone.
For the first time, in a very long time, I can say I wasn't thinking about just myself. I was thinking about a precious baby. I remember how crushed he was and he left the hospital room very shortly after and I slept. It was so hard. All of it. Becoming a mommy and also turning down a marriage proposal in the same day!
Alijah got to come home a few weeks later and Tim and I decided it would be best to parent not as a couple but just as friends. I was living at home and I was going through intense postpartum depression. My life was utterly a mess. Tim was so faithful. He always came by, and always made sure I had money and enough things for the baby.
We fought a lot during this time, but over really stupid things. Things I can't really even remember what the fight was for!
Three months later Tim joined the army and left for boot camp.